Bay: “Buh-bye, Boston”

An open letter to Jason Bay:

Oh, Jason. Jason, Jason, Jason. I actually liked you when you played for the Red Sox. I even tried not to judge you too harshly when I found out you were from Canada, eh? You seemed like a good guy, a stand-up citizen. I bet you’ve tossed a few baseballs into the stands for an adoring fan or two in your lifetime. Heck, you’ve signed an unorthadox amount of balls for ‘em, too, haven’t you? But then you lost your balls. To the Mets.

I hope you know what this means. You can no longer be part of my world of baseball. I mean, seriously – who are the Mets? Does anyone really care? Has anyone watched a game, EVER, in the history of baseball?

I will give you one piece of advice. You better hit the weight room, cuz you’re about to carry the team. Better work on building, toning and stretching those muscles of yours, too, because there’s also a good chance you’ll randomly get hurt and sit the bench for the season. Don’t worry, you’ll get better fast from all the rest you’ll be getting crying yourself to sleep every night.

Ok, ok. Please don’t cry; you knew what you were getting yourself into. You’ll probably be fiiiiine. But, honestly? I hear Jim Beam or Jack Daniels will lend you an ear when you’re complaining about how much your team sucks. Just give it a few months. You’ll see. It’s fun to make new friends.

Gosh, this all came out sounding so negative. I truly didn’t mean for that to happen… Anyway, I’m off to prepare for watching GOOD baseball this spring/summer. Hugs, buddy – you’re gonna do great!


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