Cases of the Mondays doubled in US since 2008

WASHINGTON—As weekend festivities draw to an close and another Monday morning quickly approaches,  workers everywhere are seen trudging to work in a manner that suggests they’re about to meet their maker. That is, those who even bother to show up at all.

The Center of Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) released a detailed report today revealing startlingly new statistics on the spread of cases of the Mondays throughout the U.S. The report confirmed that cases of the Mondays has doubled since 2008, a statistic that has grown as exponentially as the recent worrisome outbreak of girls posing in photos with the highly contagious fish lip pucker. Shudder.

“I should be out there playing a round of golf with my buddies right now,” said a cranky President and CEO of CDC John Ashton, “but instead, I’m being a grownup and giving you this professional interview.”

“Seriously, look how nice it is outside! Stupid work always gets in the way of my fun,” he added, with the perfected pout of a three-year-old about to throw a monstrous tantrum.

The symptoms of a case of the Mondays include grudgingly attending work Monday morning after a feverish attempt to think of an excuse out of it late Sunday night. Symptoms can also include bitter feelings, loss of motivation, and nausea at the thought of not completing the big project that was due last Friday. Oftentimes these symptoms can develop into a serious bout of hooky. If you haven’t attended work for three or more days in a row or don’t know if you even still have a job, it is advised you seek a physician immediately.

So how do you know when you’ve got a bad case of the Mondays?

“It’s harder to tell than you think,” acclaimed case of the Mondays expert Sandra Williams told the press, “but if you’re one of the 95 percent of Facebook users who use their status to complain that it’s Monday EVERY Monday, you’re probably at risk.”

Because the onset of case of the Mondays’ symptoms almost always appear like clockwork Sunday, some workers often confuse a stubborn hangover for the disease. Doctors nationwide have seen a rash of workers coming into the office and mistaking the two, and are urging workers to forego an unnecessary trip to the clinic. Instead, they recommend workers take two Tylenol, drink plenty of water, calm the $*%& down and grow up already.

The CDC recommends that certain people acquire the case of the Mondays vaccine as soon as possible to prevent the disease from spiraling out of control. These target groups include men and women between the ages of 23-65, breadwinners who support a family of 12 or more, superheroes and President Obama.

For those who cannot afford the costly vaccine, support groups are being held in major metropolitan areas every Sunday evening. Consult your local Chamber of Commerce to find times and locations in a city near you.

Advertisements

95 responses to “Cases of the Mondays doubled in US since 2008

  1. Pingback: Taste Test | quay

  2. Pingback: Has a Blog Crush Gone too Far? | Recording Artist Ava Aston's Blog

  3. I wish more people would write blogs like this that are really fun to read. With all the fluff floating around on the net, it is rare to read a blog like this instead.

  4. Love it!! Here in Oz I also suffer from Tuesdayitis… recently did a piece on that if you want to check it out.

  5. Pingback: Cases of the Mondays doubled in US since 2008 (via Cassie Behle) « Newvine Growing — exploring evolution, revolution and living life intentionally

  6. Does everyone hate their job that much? I’ve never worked a real job before but from the sound of it, it’s awful!

  7. hahaha, awesome, worthy of an Onion article

  8. I always think of the Booomtown Rats song “I don’t like Mondays” and then it sticks in my head and I can’t get it out. ugh. I think my kids have that bad case of the Mondays…sorry kids it follows you into adulthood.

  9. The most effective way to deal with this is to change the working week from tuesday theough saturday.
    No more monday blues. lol

  10. Can a case of the Mondays last all week? It’s Tuesday and I’m experiencing all of the symptoms!

  11. Monday mornings were one the main reasons I decided to become self-employed. 🙂

  12. Being in retail my Monday’s are usually Friday’s. Saturday’s being gruelling. I sometimes have Monday’s off but my schedule changes every week. Maybe that’s why I’m so messed up probably worse than others. I need a new job. Great post and so funny!!

  13. I actually like Mondays, makes me glad that I have work that day and not worried about looking for one. 🙂

  14. The side effects of the vaccine are worse than the disease! Don’t let the government push it on you. Take the holistic approach and open your own business. It’s the only cure that lasts a life time and won’t destroy your creativity. The CDC is trying to control us with drugs! Fight it.

  15. More like a case of the overly-quoted, overrated movies.

  16. What if you’re a stay at home mom who’s calender is buried under a mass of family ties and can’t remember what day it is? I stopped giving names to the days of the week.

    spread the humor.

  17. This is hilarious! Congrats to you for your creative take on the crazy corporate scene. A case of the Mondays is second only to the IOTIWIWF’s (it’s only Tuesday; I wish it were Friday!!–said with a whine).

    On a more serious note, a bad case of the Mondays can indicate that you are in a job that is not right for you; in short, it is not an authentic choice. This can lead to depression. Solution: Work to know what would be an authentic choice, and then start moving your life in that direction.

    Keep up the good work!

  18. This is brilliant! You fully deserve being Freshly Pressed. 🙂

  19. LOVE the observation about Facebook. I want to strangle all my friends who comment exclusively about Fridays and Mondays. Seriously…get an original thought. Tell me what you’re eating, or how many times you’ve peed today … just no more about the Mondays!

    😉

  20. Pingback: Cases of the Mondays doubled in US since 2008 (via Cassie Behle) « The "Not So" Daily Nitty-Gritty

  21. megint csinálhatom a felemelő blogozást! 😀

  22. This is very disturbing, I think most of my mates have this..

  23. From an energetic point of view, the week truly would be more efficient if it started on Tuesday and the “weekend” was Sunday and Monday. It is (obviously from this post) against Human cadence to work on Monday. Also against that timing is starting your day before the sky starts turing light. Makes us too slugginsh and apt to make errors. Congrats on Freshly Pressed….wonderful source for info in my next book! 🙂

  24. Oh, God, MONDAYS.

    Nice post, by the way ^_^

  25. I don’t have Mondays. I like them. After the weekend, work is something I want to do as it makes me feel useful. I have Wednesdays – the midweek doldrums.

  26. This is media bias!

    Why wasn’t Monday interviewed to get its opinion? I’m sick of the mainstream fake media and all the deception.

    I’m sorry. Forgive me for my rudeness. I have a case of the Tuesdays. But I don’t suppose you’ll read about that anytime soon. Only “sexy” diseases get coverage.

  27. I personally love Monday but at the same time always looking forward to a Friday 🙂

  28. Funny post. Thanks. Congrats on Freshly Pressed.

  29. lmao – this is just the article I need to read…every Monday. Thumbs up!

  30. Lol. Funny and true. Your writing style in this reminds me of The Onion newspaper.

  31. Congrats on being freshly pressed.

  32. funny sharing!thank you for your post.actually I will complain too, but my Monday is not so cured as yours~hahaha

  33. I have a bad case of exam days. It tends to last about a fortnight.

  34. Pingback: Cases of the Mondays doubled in US since 2008 (via Cassie Behle) « Looking Forward

  35. I should have read this post yesterday; might have saved me a trip to the doctor.

  36. Funny post. Yes, I have a case of the Mondays and ironically, it generally lasts through Thursdays! Not sure I want the vaccine though. Congrats on being freshly pressed! Well deserved.

  37. Hmmm…. This phenomena appears worldwide, it is surely a pandemic. Perhaps somewhere there are experts looking into monday. Maybe a retired general or two…

  38. Love it!! Here in Oz I also suffer from Tuesdayitis… recently did a piece on that if you want to check it out.

  39. I don’t work, I’m a college student, but I can say with utmost certainty that I definitely have a case of the Mondays. I also work as a freelancing graphic and web designer, and I have to wonder now: Do all of my clients have this disease? I definitely can’t put up with them!
    Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed!
    Ashley, aka TheEverydayMuser
    http://www.theeverydaymuser.wordpress.com

  40. Well, Rebecca Black would never make a song about Monday… (right?)

  41. Your post made me smile.
    The case of the Monday’s can be balanced out by the case of the Friday’s. Symptoms include happiness and joy with people mysteriously disappearing from work at around 4pm.

  42. Well I haven’t had a case of the Mondays in years. I often work on the weekends in preparation for Monday because there is so much work to be done. The weekend is just not enough time to renew for the coming week. I am lucky that I earn quite a bit of vacation time at my job, but it takes me an entire week to prepare to take a week off and when I return it takes a whole week to clean up the emails, alerts, charting and voice mails. People who have jobs are working like dogs because there is no money to hire supportive help. As much as I’d like to slack off on Monday because I had a great weekend and I am bummed to come to work I can’t. I have too much work to do.

  43. i remember having the case of the mondays before going i went back to school. i don’t miss it… but it’s still somehow better than hump day.

    right now, i think my boyfriend is wishing for a chance to get the case of the mondays: http://eeburrah.com/2011/03/28/houston-zoo-youre-dead-to-me/

  44. Haha nice one, I heard it will eventually form a new virus called the Tuesdays. :/

  45. Is this disease airborne, or can you get it through casual sexual encounters you have on “hump Wednesday,” which in turn might lead to Thursday afternoon “is it Friday, yet” delirium and delusions of “TGIF” Fridays, when you know you only have two days till you have to “do it all over again” Sunday-nights before the vicious cycle restarts?

  46. Is there a vaccine for the Wednesdays? I don’t mind Monday, but by the time Wednesday comes, I’m over it already!

  47. My Mom never starts anything on Monday – bad luck. Sigh.

    Great post! I like it on Monday 🙂

  48. Hahahaha, it’s an epidemic!

  49. …”said a Monday’s expert. How do you become one of those? Now there’s a job I’d like! I always tell my husband that no matter how bad my case of the Mondays might be, I have to bring my A game. I have 26 kids waiting for me that never lack in energy!

  50. My cure; “Office Space”; helping people get over the Muuundays since 1999.

  51. I have a case of the Mondays today for sure. Your post made me laugh.

  52. Awesome post, I suffered through a case of the Mondays just this morning and wrote a blog post about it from my office desk. Not a cure, but I would say it inhibits the symptoms a bit better than Facebook grumbling, and far less than growing up. Hopefully an affordable vaccine will be dispersed to the public~
    Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

  53. Pingback: Cases of the Mondays doubled in US since 2008 (via Cassie Behle) « A Bit of Everything

  54. Pingback: Monday Blahs « Lipstick, Leather & Lace: Lady Rose's Blog

  55. Well, I used to work for the Federal Government in Canada and we mostly suffer from Fridayitis, Monday is reserved for employees on a compressed week.

  56. The Compulsive Writer

    I don’t work outside my home anymore, but when I did I use to do the funniest thing… I’d play “Peter Gunn” (Mancini) over the loud speaker at about 230p, right when everyone was getting sleepy. It still makes me laugh thinking about it, and I can’t listen to that song without smiling.

  57. I’ll have to read this again next Sunday. Funny post!

  58. Is it Friday yet? I so need that support group! HH

  59. The day after vacation is even worse than a regular Monday.

  60. Even though I generally enjoy my work, I still don’t look forward to Monday – at least not like Friday evening.

    Bodrie
    A Gun Enthusiast Speaks

  61. Mother Hen here.
    The Mondays are almost as bad as the chicken pox!
    Did you ever get a case of the Mondays on Wednesday? Even worse!
    Yours contagiously,
    Mother Hen

  62. Awesome post!

  63. Great job with this, and presenting it like an actual news story! Very clever!

  64. Love it! And congrats on Freshly pressed! My husband and I are moving to the Middle East next year to teach and the work week there is Sunday through Thursday! I am worried about developing a case of the Sundays….

  65. Funny! You know what? Mondays don’t bother me, it’s the Tuesdays I get. That dead day sandwiched in between significant days of the week. Monday is the day after the weekend. Wednesday is the day before Thursday which is the day before Friday which is the day before the weekend. Tuesday? Tuesday is just nothingness. Null. Void.

  66. Hilarious! Thanks for the laugh 🙂

  67. Those are some really troubling facts.

    I just read an article this morning saying that seven out of ten Jr. High School gym teachers site “Dogging It” as the biggest risk facing America’s youth. The article said that it could lead to “Slacking Off”. Man, what is this world coming to.

  68. Luckily it’s only a temporary disease. By Friday everyone is feeling much better!

    It’s weird that it always comes back the following Monday.

  69. Oh dear. I had no idea it was an epidemic.

    I’m only a high school senior, so I probably confused the symptoms for second semester senioritis. Nonetheless, a very good diagnosis of the situation. As for the prescription, I’ll skip the Tylenol, but take the rest of that advice to heart.

    Very well written post.

  70. for fitter or worse...

    This is very clever and a refreshing take on the all too popular I doh wanna’s! The good news about Mondays is that by 5 o’clock, most people can say it’s only 4 more days until Friday and for that, we can all say, “Thank God! (it’s Friday)”

  71. All County Insurance - Brea, California

    Amazing! A well deserved Freshly Pressed. I have a feeling a lot of people will be either seeing their doctors or taking your advice and taking two Tylenol, drinking plenty of water, and calming the $*%& down and growing up after reading this!

  72. Thanks everyone for your comments – you sure know how to make a girl feel at home! Really enjoying WordPress’ community so far – finding out that it’s just as great of a reason to be on the site than writing. Which lends itself to additional procrastination…Happy Monday, all!

  73. I have this. I also seem to have the Tuesday thru Friday version though.

  74. I once had a case of the Mondays on a Thursday. Freaked me out, I had no idea what was going on. I went to the ER and the doctors basically just slapped my face and sent me home. It cost me $1,765.00

    Blessings,

    Ava
    xox

  75. LOL@the Facebook statistic!! Such a funny and clever post.

  76. Is there a cure for a case of “woke up happy thinking it was Friday and then had a serious bout of depression when I learned it was in fact, Thursday”?

  77. but look on the bright side, its almost Tuesday AND only 4 more days to the weekend!

  78. I have to agree with Alfrodull. I’m at working, but I’m reading your blog when I should be doing something productive. Then again, that’s what Tuesday is for.

  79. I’m still in college, so my Mondays aren’t so bad (first class at 5:30 pm)… yet. Is there a disease for dreading the “real world” entirely, not just the Mondays?

  80. Is it still called a case of the “Mondays” if you feel like that everyday?

  81. I’m in my office, a Monday, 3:54pm, loughing, while reading your post… my Mondays is not cured, but at least you boosted my morale 🙂 thanks.

Leave a comment. Or don't; I don't care. ...have...have you left a comment yet?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s