OMAHA—Through gritty determination and no apology or remorse in sight, 27-year-old Mick Ruskamp stepped gingerly out of the doghouse and into the books as a new Guinness Book of World Records holder. The three-year boyfriend of Surie Hudson, Ruskamp endured thirteen straight nights of sleeping on the couch due to a trivial fight between the two concerning who said “I love you” last on the phone, earning him the record of “longest amount of nights spent futilely on a couch.”
The fight occurred when Ruskamp was out of town on business trying to earn a living for the two so he could afford to buy Hudson the nice things she [used to] deserve.
“I know he never said I love you because I would have said it back, and I distinctly remember just saying goodbye,” said an unblinkingly furious Hudson. “I cried myself to sleep that night thinking he didn’t love me anymore.”
When asked why Hudson didn’t just say it first, she stubbornly crossed her arms, heaved an overly-exaggerated sigh, looked away and said nothing.
During the heated argument that lasted an astounding fourteen days, the two were seen duking it out over vases thrown at the wall, clothes hurled onto the driveway and various hurtful “I never liked your mother” comments. When Ruskamp calmly mentioned he was in a big meeting with multiple CEOs when she so thoughtlessly called, Hudson threw him out of the bedroom along with a blanket the size of a napkin and no pillow.
“Do you know how uncomfortable decorative pillows are?” Ruskamp asked. “I’d rather sleep in an actual doghouse.”
Ruskamp did admit to a few benefits of his punishment, such as sneaking out after Hudson went to bed to join the guys for football and beer.
“Of course, by the time I got home each night, I could have cared less if I was sleeping on the kitchen counter,” he said thoughtfully.
As of press time, friends witnessed Hudson acting like nothing had happened. When asked about the fight, Hudson was heard replying, “What fight, guys? Gosh, I just love Mark to pieces!”
She was last seen making Ruskamp his favorite meal of fish sticks and macaroni as he packed for an out-of-state business conference.