10 reasons I should win HGTV’s 2012 Dream Home

Seems a bit modest for me AND my cat, but I'm sure we'll make it work somehow.

I went over to my parents’ house last Monday to watch Nebraska lose the Capital One Bowl. As talk turned from the game (“When Taylor Martinez throws the ball, my heart gets real sad.”) to life (“Why are we still living in a city whose top economic development selling points are bowling and miniature golf?”), dad told me that he and mom were registering to win HGTV’s 2012 dream home giveaway. He proceeded to show me HGTV’s hour-long tour of the gorgeous home, built on dreams of rustic whimsy and a solid foundation of money.

I’ve been registering to win daily ever since. After all – someone has to be the victor, so why couldn’t it be any one of us? For this reason, I’ve put together a list of reasons why I deserve the home. Put your feet up and relax, HGTV – your “random drawing” just got a little easier.

1. I’ve always been an (distant) admirer of the finer things.
I go to (community college) plays. I sip (Barefoot) wine with my pinky held daintily up in the air. I’ve run my hands down plush (shag) carpet squares at Target a time or two. However, as I’ve got rather poor eyesight, I’d like to one day admire the finer things up close and personal, too. Things like a certain riverside home. That’s where you come in.

2. Cuz I want it!
Cuz it’s puuurty.

3. My fake surprised expression is timeless.
When you show up at my doorstep (which is actually just an extension of the sidewalk and not a doorstep at all – that’s right, HGTV. I don’t even have a doorstep.) I will give you the performance of your lives. See, I’ve been watching a lot of award shows lately, so just as my eyes widen in disbelief and you brace yourself for the works – excited screams, maniacal laughter, happy sobs, and the BIGGEST crazed bear hug for each  HGTV crew member– I’m going to throw a nonchalant shrug your way instead alongside a sincere, “Sweet, guys – I appreciate it. Thanks!”

It’ll be Oscar worthy. More realistically, it’ll turn into a 2012 viral “fail” video with plenty of cricket sound effects and playbacks of my subdued composure, which equals more fans tuning into HGTV, which equals smiles on each of your faces and bigger bonuses at Christmas. (Suddenly, your own dream home is in sight!)

However, then I’ll probably start crying and hyperventilating as the weight of my burdensome bills and endless debt becomes even heavier with the new property taxes I will struggle to pay each year.

4. I spill. A lot.
Building the house was sponsored in part by Bounty. If products could be benefactors of lives, Bounty would be mine and I’d use the Bounty tagline whenever I got into a scrape.

"Hmmm, I seem to have locked myself out of my dream home again. What a mess... Wait! Messes are no match for Cassie!"

No! Wait! Retract that reason! I’m not messy or accident prone…gosh, no. I definitely can’t be the only person who’s  broken items in three separate Hallmark stores… Besides, that was years ago. And I certainly wouldn’t accidentally spill a $6.49 bottle of Barefoot stocked in the wine fridge (that’s my favorite household item, by the way) onto one of the home’s many expensive (and sponsored) Ethan Allen rugs. And if I do, by God, I will work night and day to get the stain out with (sponsored) Bissell cleaning products.

5. I’ve been shamelessly promoting it.
Ok, HGTV. I’ve liked you on Facebook, all the while commenting on the home’s majestic beauty and cracking witty jokes only you understand to make you see how completely I stand out from the rest of the crowd, who just comment saying “Pick me!!!!!” and “NICE!!!!!” I’ve tweeted. I’ve voted for my favorite room on your website. I’ve voted for housewarming gifts (P.S. I really, reaaally like the jalapeno thing-a-ma-jig) Not to mention that I’ve hyperlinked your

See those hoops over there? Yeah. They've been jumped through. For you, HGTV. For the dream home. FOR US.

web address into this blog. And not that there would EVER be any typos in this article but if there were, I’d clean them up with, yup – you guessed it – Bounty. See how silly that is? It doesn’t even make sense! What more do you WANT from me?!

…Are you on your way to my apartment yet?

6. I already forgive you for the blue vases you’ve arranged at the entryway to the house. And the pear motif in the kitchen. And the room with all the American pride.
It’s ok. You didn’t know my personal taste. It was a good effort, and everyone makes mistakes.

7. I will use the Juliet-inspired balcony to recite epic poems, bringing additional culture to the Park City area.
This is legit. See #1. I attend plays!

8. I will use the vantage points you created for (mostly) good
You took the time to create beautiful focal points when looking out the windows. These vantage points will be gainfully used for activities such as sniping, yelling at bears to leave my sandwich in outdoor living space #3 alone, and peeking sneakily from the curtain to know when to answer the door for the pizza guy and when not to answer the door for the IRS.

10. Because I’ll keep it real.
I don’t know what “giclees” or “vignettes” are. Trestles and serpentine pilasters? Not a clue. I do know how to break a place in. We’ll see how stainless that steel is. Plus, I don’t eat fruit very often so the bowls of fresh fruit on every

God forbid I bite into that banana and it's plastic.

single counter, table and bedside tray will never be eaten, keeping all the beautiful arrangements intact until you visit daily to switch them out with fresh fruit.

…you DO visit regularly to switch them out with fresh fruit, right?

26 responses to “10 reasons I should win HGTV’s 2012 Dream Home

  1. Hola! I’ve been following your site for a long time now and finally got the bravery to go ahead and give you a shout out from Austin Tx! Just wanted to tell you keep up the excellent job!

  2. you better move over honey boo; cause that house is mine (;

  3. I think, if you throw the occasional (Barefoot) Wine and (Kraft) Cheese tasting/beat poetry shindig, you’ll be a shoo-in.

  4. Fantastic goods from you, man. I’ve read your stuff previous to this and you’re just extremely wonderful. I really like what you have acquired here, certainly like what you are stating and the way in which you say it. You make it enjoyable and you still take care of to keep it sensible. I can’t wait to read far more from you. This is really a terrific web site.

    • Calling a girl “man” is synonymous with a gruff punch to the arm that’s meant to be playful but always stings a little. 😉 Just teasing.

      Thanks for all your kind words; I’m glad you enjoy the writing!

  5. Hmm it seems like your site ate my first comment (it was extremely long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I wrote and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I as well am an aspiring blog blogger but I’m still new to everything. Do you have any tips and hints for newbie blog writers? I’d definitely appreciate it.

    • Hey, thanks a lot – I truly appreciate it! I think the best tip is to try incorporating writing into your schedule on a regular basis. That’s one of the hardest things to do, which is why I only blog once a week. Also just to stay true to your personality, writing style and what you know – I think if you do that, people will relate to you better.

      When you’re drawing a blank and have writer’s block, brainstorm, take a break and remember that tomorrow’s another day with something exciting to write about possibly just around the corner! I live in Nebraska, so I’m always looking forward to those tomorrows! 🙂

  6. I was thinking to myself tonight, “I wonder what this girl is upto?” Then my mind went “Who? you have to be more specific, so I can think…” I then replied, “Cassie!” And here we are. I just have to note, I am going to win the house this time. I have already did all the other “Dream Homes” that HGTV has done, and have yet to win. You know who wins these things? Old people. Yep. People who can enjoy for 10 maybe 20 years, and that’s it. Are you kidding? I want it. I will enjoy for at least 20 years before deciding “you know what, this house is outdated, I should sell it and get a real dream home…” Why? Because I’m weird. Anyway, I am totally off topic, focus! We lost contact, which is a shame, we should never do that. I blame myself. Do you check the email on this thing? Because you might get an email from me! Check it! (later though, because I am busy at the moment…)

    PS I miss how funny you are!

    • CODAH!!!! AHHH!!! Hi, friend!

      I’m guessing that although you register to win the dream home each year, you could make a far superior one yourself with all those badass architecture skills of yours. Hmm. Actually, in that case, could you please make me one? For free of course. I mean, I’d probably invite you over for dinner a few times as a thank you. And I wouldn’t even make you take off your shoes when you came in the front door!

      After all, what are friends for?

      P.S. Ditto! We must catch up very soon. Hugs!

  7. Betting your cat will love the balcony ! Let us know when the house-warming party is…..

    • I will! I bet when we move in, I’m going to be the type of person who asks all her guests to take off their shoes in the foyer. Never thought I’d see THAT day, but it’s just so darn fancy! So, just be prepared for that.

      …What’s next – a minivan?

  8. Whooaaa, back up!

    Bowling AND miniature golf??

  9. Good luck! Very funny about the plastic fruit! When I was a kid, I used to always want to eat those plastic models of food that were on the tables when my parents took me to home and furniture stores. Damn, they looked so real! If you win, that would be awesome! You can invite us over, and we could totally have some plastic fruit and wine, and pretend to watch Shark Night on your fake TV. 😀

  10. What a whimsical blog. Alas, you did forget to mention that your generous parents who sacrificed day and night to support their endearing children, would be receptive to accepting such a gracious gift if you did win. After all March 12 is your grandparents wedding anniversary and it would be fate if HGTV would show up on your parent’s front porch with an ambush announcement. Please feel free to follow your heart if you win. Or at least occassionally open up the guest bedroom suite to one sheba inu and 2 humble yet appreciative guests.

    • Kyra will have plenty of toys to play with when she comes to visit! And, if by chance you win the house, I would have to ask the same of you because I just got a super cute new ski outfit that is begging to be broken in on some of those mountains that are gracing the backyard with their presence!

  11. Ah, what I’d do for a Juliet-inspired balcony! Would they throw in a Romeo too?
    Beautifully written – delightfully funny!

  12. Great post. I enjoyed reading your blog today.

    If you love to write we would love for you to join us!

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    • Glad you enjoyed the story! I think the only thing I left out is that we’re already basing future decisions off of winning the house. Friend: “Want to go skiing in February?” Me: “I don’t know; we’re going to be pretty busy moving to Utah…”

  13. You. Are. Hilarious. 🙂

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