When life gives you lemons, ask for a gift receipt without even feeling bad. That’ll show it.

I am all alone in this world. Insert the pity party you guys are about to throw me _________.

The whole crew's gonna be there - complaining, negativity, even melancholy! Don't let melancholy near the margaritas, though. (Photo from redvinesandredwine.blogspot.com)

Less piñatas, gosh! This is a pity party, for heaven’s sake. And hands off the guacamole and chips while you’re at it. (Why is my pity party Mexican-themed?) If you want to eat, feed on my incessant whining and sorrow.

All alone was probably an irrational thing to say. I’ve got friends, ya know. Can’t forget the cat (like she’d let me). Probably shouldn’t leave my wonderful family out, either. And I suppose I AM surrounded by coworkers eight hours of the day, not to mention I have all of you.

To sum up, the more tiny violins you could play for me, the better, because I see the margaritas are running out, too. Sheesh, who organized this fiesta – it’s like you just started to hastily put it together a minute ago.

In hindsight, I’m not so entirely alone as much as I’m simply without Clayton for a few  more days. Nine to be exact. NINE. That’s more than a week! I counted. He’s in Israel, working, writing me postcards and floating in the Dead Sea while simultaneously taking photos of himself in said sea, thumbs up and all smiles. At least, those are the instructions I gave him before he left. Hope his phone’s salt-proof. Hope he thinks to bring tequila and limes!

Just call me Rico Suave. Now where did I put my visor? (Photo from iocanel.blogspot.com)

I envision the aforementioned postcards to have funny-looking camels in ridiculously tiny hats on the front. Postcards that say something witty, such as: “Like sands through an hourglass, so are the — OMG, camel in a fedora!” and will make me miss him even more because they remind me of how funny and adorable he is, and how much he gets my offbeat sense of humor. And the camels are smiling widely to reveal a set of bulky teeth, but in a really cheesy manner like they just slyly swindled another tourist out of more cash for a camel ride because Americans don’t know the kilometer to mile conversion. And they’re wearing sombreros.

I really can’t escape this theme.

On the upside of this whole situation, I get the bed to myself to sprawl out as far as my short legs will take me, which I suppose isn’t really a game changer after all. I can watch all the rom-coms I want, only having to defend myself from a disdainful-looking Chloe. As if that’s not difficult enough — those eyes are sharp enough to cut through any of Katherine Heigl’s drama.

And painting! I’ll do it!

Someone should really tell him that all that red makes him look unapproachable... (Photo from boomtron.com)

On the downside, I don’t have anyone to make fun of Finding Bigfoot with. (“This could be the episode where they find him!”) Or to snuggle against when I wake up in the middle of the night after bad dreams about X-Men’s Deadpool character. Shiver. That being said, I guess I also don’t have anyone to diligently remind me of the Deadpool nightmare the next evening just as I’m trying to fall asleep. Thanks for that, darling.

Lastly, who’s going to email me daily at work to liven up my workweek with funny pictures stories of past broomball tournament(s) haircuts and instructions on how to build a cat tank?

Anyone willing to email me daily until April 5 going once…

Anyone willing to email me daily until April 5 going twice…

Don’t be shy. ANY ONE will do.

Going thrice…

He…hello?




I am all alone in this world.

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12 responses to “When life gives you lemons, ask for a gift receipt without even feeling bad. That’ll show it.

  1. I haven’t been around the past couple weeks, but I have to say I missed you CB! Sorry I missed the chance to keep you company at your pity party! You had me at Mexican theme and tiny violins! I’m even jealous of your pity parties… they sound WAY more fun than mine! By the way, how’d that cat tank turn out?! 😉

    • I’ve missed you, too! My reader isn’t working for WordPress so I have to find you all to read your blogs, but yours is one I have definitely been checking in on! Get to writing, chica! 🙂

      The cat tank never happened! You can bet your ass it will if I get bored enough though! Stay tuned!

  2. Too late, enjoy C’s hugs now that he is home safe and sound. :o)

  3. Broomball tournaments, eh? Not sure I could help you with that. Quidditch, maybe I could find you some videos of people playing. But broomball? I suspect that’s a whole other thing…

  4. My first instinct is to go right to “Cassie’s got a boyfriend !” but I do sense you are missing your sweetie and I feel for ya (though having the bed to yourself is awesome). Have a sneaking suspicion you are strong given you have already upgraded your pity party to a fiesta !

    • Is that so surprising?! I feel like this is when the whole blogosphere should send out a collective “Oooooooh!!” 😉 Clayton and I recently discussed having a pita party instead of a pity party when he gets home. Nothing like some gyros to turn back time…

  5. Deadpool isn’t a bad guy. Deadpool is our friend. He just doesn’t know how to help us out in our time of need, and he needs guidance on what makes us feel better and what makes us feel worse and he’s trying really hard to be a good person and TAKE BACK ALL THE BAD THINGS YOU SAID ABOUT DEADPOOL!!!!

    • So you’re saying he just needs some slight nurturing, a hug once and awhile, and someone to tell him he’s got a beautiful soul? I don’t think he has the patience for all that, and I’ve found from dream experiences that my face cannot withstand the effects of laser beams shot haphazardly from Deadpool’s eyesockets.

  6. Poor, baby. It’s okay. He’ll be back before you can proclaim “I am woman..hear me..uh…mew like a frightened kitten”? Yeah..you’ll be fine.

    • Haha! Heck yes I’ll be fine. Besides, imagining all the gifts one is capable of packing in a suitcase that can still hold up to eight more pounds is really what keeps me going. 😉 KIDDING!

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