Mucinex vs. Mr. Mucus: A fight to the death!

As a precursor to this blog, I want to wallow in self-pity and tell you that I have been sick for seven days. Biblical references state that seven days is the amount of time God spent creating the universe. I, however, have not been as productive in my weakened, congested, head-exploding state.

But Mr. Mucus certainly has.

A quick trip to mucinex.com made my cloudy mind so clear, helping me to better understand this seemingly mythical, but very real, evil character. You see, Mr. Mucus is a workaholic, and last week he became occupied with making my life miserable, putting in extra time at the office to give me a horrendous summer cold. (Could have put his overtime paychecks toward doing something nice, like buying me a pony, but apparently he thought I was just a snot-nosed kid.)

So busy and consumed was Mr. Mucus with this task that he hired more workers to bump up his phlegm inventory and in doing so, created a monster. He named this beast Sinus Infection. And Mr. Mucus saw everything that he had made and behold, it was very bad.

And to think they were once so happy… (Photo Credit: adweek.com)

Of course by then, Mrs. Mucus was not a happy camper either, as her husband hadn’t been home in a good five days.

Just as she sought divorce papers, I found Mucinex.

According to Mucinex box information, one of the many benefits of the 12-hour pill (besides destroying all of Mr. Mucus’s inventory) is that it is also capable of making coughs productive.

It got me thinking one sleepless night when Mr. Mucus was once again hard at work and I was being held captive in the harrowing claws of Sinus Infection:

Exactly how productive are these coughs?

I like to think of them in little suits and ties, getting ready for work, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. And so, I decided to put together a little pie chart on the industrious side effects Mucinex could have had on my coughs, should the information been taken out of context.

Mucinex made my coughs so productive, they…

In summation, the fight between Mucinex and Mr. Mucus? To put it quite simply, Mr. Mucus doesn’t stand a chance, especially once Antibiotics kick in (the door) to knock him out cold.

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20 responses to “Mucinex vs. Mr. Mucus: A fight to the death!

  1. *cough cough*
    PC Load Letter? What the *cough*?!
    🙂

  2. If China permitted western medicine I’d dope up on Mucinex every day to combat the mutant zombie hordes of Mr. Mucuses (Muci?) that invade my upper respiratory system on account of the horrendous Beijing air. BTW, gonna be back in the states in 2 days! First stop when I land in NC: Wendy’s. Also: hope you feel better, summer colds are awful.

    • It’s that bad, huh? If you ever make it to the Midwest, you gotta try out Runza – it is the BEST!! You’d never go back to Wendy’s again, and all fast food experiences would be ruined. Except probably Chick-fil-A. Have a fabulous trip back and thanks – I’m back to 100 percent now!

  3. Bummer that you’re sick! I hope you feel better soon! Mucinex is kind of a miracle drug, isn’t it?! It surely does loosen up those coughs and make them more productive!

    P.S. I hope they finished their TPS reports with the right cover sheets, or I’m afraid they’ll have to come in on the weekend to get them right! 😉

    • Laminated cover sheets are essential – I spill everything! Thanks, BFF – I feel SO MUCH better! Amazing what a weekend at a cabin and seeing Eric Church live can do for the body and soul!

      • You saw Eric Church live? He is awesome, and I am SO jealous right now (of you seeing him, and not of your mucous, of course)! 😉

        • We did – he came to a nearby county fair! He was absolutely amazing and Springsteen will now forever give me chills. 🙂 Brad Paisley tomorrow and Weezer in two weeks – can’t wait!

          • Okay, now you’re just rubbing it in! 😉 Weezer is awesome! And, you know my love for Brad Paisley… he is super dreamy! I never get any good concerts… surprisingly, no one performs in paradise. I guess they just want to drink mai tais and lay on the beach all day long!

            • I think the correct definition of “paradise” is mai tais, beach laying AND live music – so all musicians should get their tushes out there STAT! (That was my attempt at a call-to-action – you know, just in case Brad reads my blog or something) 🙂

  4. Sorry to hear you’ve been poorly, Cassie, but glad you still have your robust sense of humour…had me rollicking! 😀

  5. I always look forward to the “productive cough” because it feels like FINALLY you can do something, even if that something is nauseating, painful and awful.

    Great graph.

    • “I can’t go to work today; I have a full day of coughing in front of me, for God’s sake! Put my phone to voicemail, STAT!”

  6. Great post! Thank you for sharing!

    … following your blog …

    – Oh God, My Wife Is German.

    • Whew, I thought I might have crossed into TMI (She wrote…a blog….about…MUCUS?!), so I’m glad to hear it – thanks a bunch!

  7. Yeah, I always thought a ‘productive cough’ was a good thing but it just means you hack up tons of disgusting mucus. Granted it helps prevent bronchitis Isuppose…but still, there is nothing worse than a summer cold. Feeling all stuffed up and miserable when it’s hot and humid sucks. Hope you feel better very soon!

    • But bronchitis gives me that low, sexy, scratchy voice that otherwise eludes me! Sigh. A double-edged sword, indeed.

      Feeling much better – thanks!

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