Mucinex vs. Mr. Mucus: A fight to the death!

As a precursor to this blog, I want to wallow in self-pity and tell you that I have been sick for seven days. Biblical references state that seven days is the amount of time God spent creating the universe. I, however, have not been as productive in my weakened, congested, head-exploding state.

But Mr. Mucus certainly has.

A quick trip to mucinex.com made my cloudy mind so clear, helping me to better understand this seemingly mythical, but very real, evil character. You see, Mr. Mucus is a workaholic, and last week he became occupied with making my life miserable, putting in extra time at the office to give me a horrendous summer cold. (Could have put his overtime paychecks toward doing something nice, like buying me a pony, but apparently he thought I was just a snot-nosed kid.)

So busy and consumed was Mr. Mucus with this task that he hired more workers to bump up his phlegm inventory and in doing so, created a monster. He named this beast Sinus Infection. And Mr. Mucus saw everything that he had made and behold, it was very bad.

And to think they were once so happy… (Photo Credit: adweek.com)

Of course by then, Mrs. Mucus was not a happy camper either, as her husband hadn’t been home in a good five days.

Just as she sought divorce papers, I found Mucinex.

According to Mucinex box information, one of the many benefits of the 12-hour pill (besides destroying all of Mr. Mucus’s inventory) is that it is also capable of making coughs productive.

It got me thinking one sleepless night when Mr. Mucus was once again hard at work and I was being held captive in the harrowing claws of Sinus Infection:

Exactly how productive are these coughs?

I like to think of them in little suits and ties, getting ready for work, all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. And so, I decided to put together a little pie chart on the industrious side effects Mucinex could have had on my coughs, should the information been taken out of context.

Mucinex made my coughs so productive, they…

In summation, the fight between Mucinex and Mr. Mucus? To put it quite simply, Mr. Mucus doesn’t stand a chance, especially once Antibiotics kick in (the door) to knock him out cold.