A girls’ guide to the perfect Halloween costume

(Reposted from my long abandoned blog – I created this quiz last year for Halloween and upon stumbling across it, still had a laugh or two or ten. Hope you do, too!) 

With Halloween just ten days away, do you have a fantastic costume in mind? Let’s face it, Halloween is the one time a year you can dress like a floozy and “get away with it.” So, if you’re still in angst over what sexy lil’ minx you want to be, simply answer the five questions below. Girls, you’re just minutes away from finding just the right costume to uniquely represent your surely amazing personality.

1. Which outfit most closely resembles what you wear on a daily basis?

"Ah-nah-nah-nah. Hands off! This is an antique!"

a. Leggings and an overly-designed, bejeweled T-shirt that doesn’t quite hide the junk in my trunk
b. If it’s casual Friday, expect me to let loose in work-appropriate jeans and a pastel-colored polo
c. Turtleneck, baggy jeans and handcuffs
d. My bikini, so it’s easier to take body shots!
e. Overalls, boots and a no-nonsense attitude

2. What’s your favorite afternoon snack?
a. Cheetos, cuz they match my tan
b. The salt of my own tears in the comfort of a supply closet
c. Savory orecchiette with a light bacon and tomato sauce that’s just delightful
d. Saltwater taffy
e. Muffins

3. What’s your dream man got that no one else does?
a. He takes GTL-ing to an unhealthy level
b. A ladder to remove those pesky glass ceilings for me
c. A good lawyer…

...and an even better filet mignon

d. Legs. Oh, and my father disapproves of him.
e. Lady parts

4. What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?
a. “Writing a book”
b. Kissing ass to get ahead
c. Crocheting my own two-ply toilet paper
d. Hoarding
e. Certainly not woodworking

5. You’re glammed up for a night on the town. Your makeup consists of:
a. Glitter. It’s the herpes of craft supplies!
b. Chap Stick
c. Foundation applied to a cake-like consistency. Mmm, cake.
d. My favorite shade of lipstick: Barely-legal Bright Red
e. Hahahaha, good one

If you answered:

Mostly A’s – Sexy Snooki: Your costume isn’t the only thing screaming for attention.

Mostly B’s – Sexy Corporate America: The employment rate is dropping, much like your self-esteem.

Mostly C’s – Sexy Martha Stewart: Every day is a Wednesday for you, because you’re over the hill.

Mostly D’s – Sexy Lil’ Mermaid: You don’t need a costume-oriented holiday to change who you are for a man.

This Halloween, yooooooouuuu're out! (of the closet)

Mostly E’s – Sexy Lumberjill: You’re an oxymoron similar to the term “the best defense is a good offense,” so put on a helmet because you’re batting for the other team.