We recently received a promotional packet of Forget-Me-Not seeds from a politician running for office. I took to the Internet to see how, when and where to best plant them and found a few uncomplimentary descriptors of the ironically ill-chosen flowers I thought suited politicians well:
1. The flowers grow in SHADY areas and like to get their CREEP on.
2. Some people consider them to be WEEDS. Weeds that SMOTHER out other plants and KILL everything around them in a MENACING manner.
3. One person on the Internet said, “RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AWAY FROM THIS PLANT.”
Another ironic factoid: For the life of me, I can’t remember that politician’s name.
Facebook is constantly urging me to fill out my profile more completely. This includes incorporating favorite books. When I scrolled through my page today, I noticed the site had taken the liberty to recommend some books for me. These included:
1. Horton Hears a Who
2. Oh, the Places You’ll Go!
3. Mr. Brown Can Moo. Can You?
All by – you guessed it – Dr. Seuss.
Facebook thinks I have the reading comprehension of a five-year-old. In related news, my ego has taken a severe beating.
I did math today. Deliberately. I know!! Yay, me! I created a word problem for my coworkers upon asking if I could borrow anyone’s charger for the morning. It went a little something like this: My cat, Chloe, took a big bite out of my phone charger yesterday. I’ve gone through at least five chargers since I adopted her, at a rate of roughly one per year. If cats have nine lives, how many does Chloe have left?
The answer: NONE! I’m going to kill her!
Any lady knows that annual lady’s checkups are no fun – especially when you are totally ambushed into partaking in one on a rainy Monday morning. From a complete stranger (“doctor”) you just met five minutes ago. Who tries to make you shake hands with her afterward knowing full well your right hand is busy tightly clasping your front-opening nightgown closed. I see what you’re trying to do there, doctor. Well, the show’s over. You can’t get THIS milk for free. But I will pay you for your services. AFTER you take me out for a nice seafood dinner. Say, 7 p.m.?
In summation, nothing about that situation was OK with me. Also, I’m still waiting on that lobster.