Tag Archives: questions

Is it uncomfortable in here or is it just me?

 “It could have been worse.”

Those are words you might hear uttered from the mouth of someone who actually paid to see “Joyful Noise” in the movie theater this past week. The same could be said by those who saw the final installation of the “Transformers” trilogy last summer. (Yes, it was too horrible.) Or, for the more romance-inclined – “Mama Mia.”

I pose this question to those of you who have seen one (or all) of the aforementioned movies: COULD it have been?

Could it have been REALLY?

Parents everywhere are asking themselves, "Why didn't we urge our children to play more video games?!"

This is not your kids’ band performance you were forced to go to here. You chose this fate for yourself, or because your significant other made you go to the movie, upon which hopefully you used some sort of bargaining chip. (Sure I’ll go to Transformers, just as long as you agree to wear that lumberjack outfit to bed every third Friday of the month.)

Racy.

And you can’t just shrug these fiascos off apathetically because you don’t have an opinion either way or because you arbitrarily flock to the mundane and mediocre. God forbid you actually enjoy bad movies like “Shark Night,” which is awesome, ahem, I mean terrible. I urge you not to go rent buy it immediately for your sweetie. Seriously, Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. The movie goes well with the biggest bottle of wine and sense of humor you can find.

More like good times have surfaced!

I haven’t seen “Joyful Noise” so I honestly can’t place judgment there but based off the preview that forced its way into my line of vision and ears, I can assure you that the storyline is anything but delightful, at least to anyone under the age of 60. However, I can see where a more defining title like “Pitchy ‘Racket’” wouldn’t be as marketable.

The previous thoughts floated around in my mind after I was asked a question by a friend the other day: Would you rather go see “Joyful Noise” or eat two of (he later changed it to three) McDonalds’ Filet-O-Fish?

It really gets down to this. Although that question wasn’t even debatable (pass me the tartar sauce), it led me to wonder what other types of comparisons could be out there that are capable of making the answerer squirm in discomfort at their very thought. I’ve taken the liberty of compiling some of my favorites. Have any to add?

Would you rather…

  1. Shop solely at Wal-Mart or listen to Justin Bieber albums for the remainder of your life?
  2. Have the arms of a T-Rex or the neck of a giraffe?
  3. Be a member of Nickelback or their number one fan?
  4. Always be wrong or live in Iowa forever?
  5. Possess Mr. T’s acting abilities or fashion sense?
  6. Be a Canadian Mountie or Smokey the Bear (the mascot) (Yes, you’d be in parades either way)?

    Only YOU...can prevent more Canadian Mounties

Would you rather I stop making you feel so uncomfortable by asking these questions? Too bad – that’s not how the game works. (My blog. MINE.) However, these questions upon being answered, of course, bring to mind a completely different one:

Why?

Converse among yourselves.

A girls’ guide to the perfect Halloween costume

(Reposted from my long abandoned blog – I created this quiz last year for Halloween and upon stumbling across it, still had a laugh or two or ten. Hope you do, too!) 

With Halloween just ten days away, do you have a fantastic costume in mind? Let’s face it, Halloween is the one time a year you can dress like a floozy and “get away with it.” So, if you’re still in angst over what sexy lil’ minx you want to be, simply answer the five questions below. Girls, you’re just minutes away from finding just the right costume to uniquely represent your surely amazing personality.

1. Which outfit most closely resembles what you wear on a daily basis?

"Ah-nah-nah-nah. Hands off! This is an antique!"

a. Leggings and an overly-designed, bejeweled T-shirt that doesn’t quite hide the junk in my trunk
b. If it’s casual Friday, expect me to let loose in work-appropriate jeans and a pastel-colored polo
c. Turtleneck, baggy jeans and handcuffs
d. My bikini, so it’s easier to take body shots!
e. Overalls, boots and a no-nonsense attitude

2. What’s your favorite afternoon snack?
a. Cheetos, cuz they match my tan
b. The salt of my own tears in the comfort of a supply closet
c. Savory orecchiette with a light bacon and tomato sauce that’s just delightful
d. Saltwater taffy
e. Muffins

3. What’s your dream man got that no one else does?
a. He takes GTL-ing to an unhealthy level
b. A ladder to remove those pesky glass ceilings for me
c. A good lawyer…

...and an even better filet mignon

d. Legs. Oh, and my father disapproves of him.
e. Lady parts

4. What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?
a. “Writing a book”
b. Kissing ass to get ahead
c. Crocheting my own two-ply toilet paper
d. Hoarding
e. Certainly not woodworking

5. You’re glammed up for a night on the town. Your makeup consists of:
a. Glitter. It’s the herpes of craft supplies!
b. Chap Stick
c. Foundation applied to a cake-like consistency. Mmm, cake.
d. My favorite shade of lipstick: Barely-legal Bright Red
e. Hahahaha, good one

If you answered:

Mostly A’s Sexy Snooki: Your costume isn’t the only thing screaming for attention.

Mostly B’s Sexy Corporate America: The employment rate is dropping, much like your self-esteem.

Mostly C’sSexy Martha Stewart: Every day is a Wednesday for you, because you’re over the hill.

Mostly D’sSexy Lil’ Mermaid: You don’t need a costume-oriented holiday to change who you are for a man.

This Halloween, yooooooouuuu're out! (of the closet)

Mostly E’s Sexy Lumberjill: You’re an oxymoron similar to the term “the best defense is a good offense,” so put on a helmet because you’re batting for the other team.